Author Archives: Sarcasm

Between my lover and my mother (neither of whom will stay inside), I might as well just hang out in a hospital waiting room, with no mask. Monday morning, after our daily Zoom dance class (taught by my friend Jess, so I refer to it as Jess-ercise), Mom texts me: It’s a losing battle. So,Continue reading “The Magic Word is Go”

It’s 7:59 pm. I’m standing alone on my balcony, in the cool breeze, watching the last moments of sun light the clouds between the palm trees in purples and pinks before it sinks off into the west, when it begins… First one person yells, then another. Some clapping starts, and a few whistles. Here weContinue reading “Whooping and Clapping”

My mom has two small couches facing each other in her living room, about 6 feet apart. It’s like it was designed for being social, while distancing. So today, during my weekly visit, we sit there, her on one, me on the other. She has already shown me all her recently completed puzzles. And herContinue reading “Emergency Items, or, Mom Explains the Internet”

Saturday, March 21. I used the last avocado today and the milk has run out. It occurs to me when I run out of chocolate, I may finally lose my muffin top.* It also occurs to me when I run out of chocolate, I may finally lose my will to live. Tonight, my mom tellsContinue reading “Virch, or, All I Can See Is My Big Ugly Head”

March 18. I decided to raid the Barnes & Noble today, to stock up on puzzles, puzzle books, games, and a number of novels, so that every few days I can drop a couple items on my mom’s doorstep, in a desperate effort to keep this 79-year-old woman in her house. She has a numberContinue reading “The Puzzle Smuggler”

I count myself lucky as the biggest issue I have on my hands right now, is keeping my 79-year-old mother (who has a bigger social life than my friends and I all put together) in her house. To say she is active is to put it mildly. She is a part of more groups currentlyContinue reading “Forget the Spring Breakers, I Can’t Keep My Mother Inside”

A friend gave me a gift certificate to a costume shop for Christmas, and in early February I made an evening of it. I gleefully purchased a black flapper-style wig (it is the ’20s after all), a couple masquerade masks with sequins and feathers, and some long blue eyelashes, (because you never know, and youContinue reading “Preparing for the Masquerade”