Mom: I’m gonna curl up with Harry.
She means Potter.
In the midst of the COVID-19 whole-home-deep-cleaning (I seem to be the only one who thought this was an actual requirement and completed it) I pared down the number of books I own and gave away a lot that I have already read, like Harry Potter Books 1-4.
I started reading Harry Potter last fall, when I resigned from my last company, because (since I approach everything like an assignment) I knew that if I was going to take any downtime between jobs, I needed to ASSIGN myself downtime. And somehow in the midst of Simon Sinek and Seneca, I had never gotten around to reading a single Harry Potter, so that was my first assignment. I was surprised how much I enjoyed Books 1-4, and this past month, my mom did too.
I also gave my mom some books I had not read, such as Harry Potter Book 5.
I didn’t finish it, not because it is bad, but because I couldn’t read it. I got to that section where the ringwraiths (ok I know I’m mixing universes with Lord of the Rings now, but same-same, big scary succubi in flowy dark robes) came and almost took Harry on some muggle sidewalk, and then the main characters all convened at an offsite somewhere (Harry’s godfather’s house or something?), and the conversations were just so stressful and you could feel the dark magic getting closer and, so, I had to stop.
Mom has now finished Book 5.
Mom: Where’s Book 6?
Me: I don’t have it.
Mom: Why?
Me: I never read it.
Mom: You stopped at Book 5?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Why?
Me: Book 5 was too scary so I never finished it.
Mom: BOOK FIVE WAS TOO SCARY? What was scary? It’s a children’s book! You are scared of a children’s book!?!
Me: Yes. I am your child, and I have an overactive imagination, and I live alone in the midst of a pandemic, global warming, a geo-political meltdown, massive social upheaval, gender inequality and rampant conspiracy theories, so I don’t need any other stressful reading. If I want to freak myself out, I will read The Wall Street Journal.
Mom: Fine, well I want to read Book 6.
Me: Fine, but you’ll have to buy it yourself because I just found out, via Instagram, that the author does not support LGBTQ rights.
Mom: It’s a fantasy novel! It’s not a political statement. You can like the book and disagree with the author. You will never agree with another person on all topics and you don’t have to speak out about everything. Besides, look around, at the rate we’re going the dementors arriving would be the least of our worries.
Me: Yeah, well, maybe things would have been better if your “Silent Generation” had spoken up more!
Mom: Harry Potter himself isn’t against gay rights!
Me: Harry Potter isn’t a real person!
Mom: Neither is Lord Voldermort!
Me: DON’T SAY HIS NAME!
Mom: You need to get out more!
Me: I’m not buying you Book 6!
*Potentially we both need to get out more…
Photo by Artem Maltsev
SARCASM WILL SAVE YOU 